BI-LATERAL VERBAL CONTRACT

Thursday, November 19, 2009

M: "I have this tea and when I drink it, it makes part of my mouth dry so I talk like this... So the odder day I was wocking... Ha ha ha! Have you noticed?"

M. criticizes everything I eat, whether it's a PB&J sandwich for breakfast, a salad with ranch dressing for lunch, or a small crispy apple in between.

J: "Why does it matter to you what I eat? YOU eat PB&J's for breakfast too."

M: "It doesn't make it healthy."

She derives a brilliant plan:

M: "You're going to love this. Jake, for every bad thing you eat, you ow me $1.00"

J: "I don't agree to that."

M: "And based on what you've had today, you owe me $5.00 already."

J: "What??"

Later in the day, M. asks if I want some M&M's.

J: "No thanks."

M: "No?? You owe me another $1.00!"

J: "I don't owe you anything. You're living in some strange imaginary bubble, M. I live in reality. Why do you even care what I eat??"

M: "We have a bi-lateral verbal contract, Jake. Bi-lateral! And you agreed to it. Bi-lateral means there is a ladder between us. See?"

J: "You live in a bubble."