Thursday, February 25, 2010

Each time a blog entry is prepared for publishing, there are several comments, paragraphs, and even complete sections of dialogue that get erased from the final draft for various reasons.

Today, instead of leaving the erased moments out, they are the focal point. We are left with an amusing grab bag of random segments.

Please read with caution, and enjoy!

M: "Wouldn't it be awesome if we could say, 'I'm erasing that from my mind!' and it was gone- POOF! Just like that. Wouldn't that be awesome?"

J: "What would you erase?"

M: "I don't have a fridge, Jake. OK?"

J: "Because you erased it?"

M: "Well, I would start with erasing whatever you're writing down because it's all lies! It never happened!"

J: "The part about you not having a fridge?

M: "Yeah, because I never said that. I don't have a fridge and I don't have liposuction. It's called priorities, Jake. OK?"

J: "You are nuts!"

M: "Maybe I should start wearing a diaper."

J: "Out of every person who fainted in a public place in 2009, how many do you think vomited on the way down? I don't know the answer, I'm just curious about what you think."

M: "Well, Jake, in 2009 exactly 4,289 people fainted in public. Of those people, 22 threw-up on the way down. Exactly 22. No more, no less."

J: "You called me Panzon, I don't get it. My pants are off!"

M: "Do you know what that movie, 'The Fly,' taught me? And I think movies never teach me anything. I follow it to this day. NEVER GET INTO STRANGE MACHINES WITH INSECTS! I even check when I go tanning. Do flies tan? Jake, what is your problem? No-no... nooo... They do! Remember that fly I killed? He was eating tanning lotion. FLIES DO TAN!!

J: "If you had the choice of eating yellow or white dog poo, which would you choose?"

M:" Yellow OR white?"

J: "Yes. You can choose either yellow dog poo or white dog poo. Whatever one you want to eat."

M: "I would choose white because that means he ate marshmallows. Yellow would mean he ate some kind of curry, so... yuck!"

M: "The other day, I was eating my fingers in the kitchen and my daughter said to me, 'Mom! Stop eating your fingers. Do you know eating your fingers is compared to people who eat their own hair?' Jake, do you know there are people who eat their own hair?"

J: "Yes. You didn't know that?"

M: "No."

J: "Everyone knows that. Stop chewing on your digits."

M: "Here, Jake. Smell this."

J: "What is it?"

M: "Just smell it. Doesn't that smell good?"

J: "It smells like chloroform. Did you already wipe yourself with this or do you need it back?"

M: "Nah, just throw it away."

J: "Thank you for asking me to smell your trash."

M: "Ha ha ha!"

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