Wednesday, October 7, 2009
The following text conversation happened moments ago. The name of the company and our CEO has been changed for the sake of anonymity.
J: " :( "
M: "Why are you sad, Jakeypoo?"
J: "Because you're not here. It's soooooo quiet."
M: "KARMA !!! For leaving me every Friday!"
M: "EVERY FRIDAY !!!!"
M: "Wait... is it good or bad that it's so quiet?"
J: "It's kind of nice but kind of boring. I just miss you, M. Are you coming in tomorrow?"
M: "Yeah, H.H. asked me to please go in tomorrow because USA Corporation has noticed some decline in stock value since I've been gone."
M: "I said, 'OK if I have to.'"
M: "...but just because you asked nicely."
M: "...and you said please."
M: "...and you are crying."
M: "...and you're on your knees."
M: "Then I said, 'get up H.H. What are people going to think when they see the V.P. of USA Corporation in this state? KEEP IT TOGETHER, MAN!'"
M: "Then I slapped him!"
M: "...and he started crying again! He said I reminded him of his mother just then!"
M: "I said- 'But H.H., I'm not a Head Honcho-' (you have to be politically correct around H.H.)"
M: "He replied, 'no you're not.'"
M: "We both hugged and cried. I pinched his right butt cheek."
M: "He said, 'Why did you do that?' I said, 'I don't know.'"
M: "He said I reminded him of his father just then."
M: "Then he asked me NEVER to speak of this to ANYONE! I assured him no one would EVER know."
M: "...then he said he loved me."
M: "I asked him if he bowls and if he knew how to make cantaloupe soup. He said he bowls with cantaloupes!"
M: "I said, 'How eccentric of you!' He said, 'I didn't know you knew such big words.'"
M: "I said, 'Don't let the mullet fool you.'"
M: "He said, 'I like mullets! I almost have one.' I said, 'I've noticed!' and added 'Is that kind of ironic? A Head Honcho with a mullet?' He said, 'What does ironic mean?'"
M: "To answer your question, Jakeypoo... I am coming to work tomorrow."
J: " :-O "