WOULD YOU FEEL AT HOME

Wednesday, September 16, 2009

M: "If you were Middle Eastern and were meeting me on a date for the first time and I came in like this," (she shakes her hips in a twitchy impression of her dog's ass dance and bounces up and down), "would you feel at home?"

J: "I might leave the restaurant."

M. is giving blind internet dating another try. She has a date with a guy who is tall, good looking, and is employed in 'maintenance.'

M: "That's gotta be a joke. He's probably a millionaire. Jake, what if I was covered in one of their dresses and moved my eyes side to side like a belly dancer?" (She twitches her eyes and looks as though she's playing the piano and then washing her hands really fast.)

J: "I would think you are epileptic."

M: "People want to see what I look like on the dating website. What type of outfit should I wear in my picture, Jake? I don't want to seem too desperate, but I don't want to seem too forward either. How about this?" (She pulls up an image of a leopard print skirt with the mid-section and a lot of cleavage showing.) "This isn't too desperate, is it?"

She finds another outfit. It is a bright red leather shiny one-piece with matching purse.

M: "Oh, what about this one? Is it too forward"

I turn around and pretend to work. What else could I do?

The day was cut short by our department picnic away from work. M. played croquet while I played volleyball, thus separating us for the remainder of the afternoon. I'm sure she entertained fellow players with her wild and crazy quotes, but unfortunately I did not hear any of them.


Until tomorrow.