Rodney Dangerfield No Respect

Tuesday, September 1, 2009

This morning, I start a conversation with M.

J: "I left my book at work. See? Here it is sitting on my desk. I usually read a few chapters when I go to bed except last night I wasn't able to. I had separation anxiety!"

M: "One time, a friend told me there was a shoe sale at the mall. I went to the mall but there was no sale. I too felt separation anxiety."

J: "Oh God..."

M: "Another time, I was in New York City, and I tried to catch the last Metro, but I was late. So there I was waiting on the platform, and there was the Metro down the track. We were separated by the tracks so I felt separation anxiety."

J: "New York? Do you mean the subway?"

M: "The Metro."

J: "Of course."

M: "One time I was married and my husband and I decided to get a divorce. So we split up and I felt separation anxiety."

J: "Alright, enough already!"

After several hours of random "separation anxiety" stories, M. goes back to destroying every key on her keyboard with those long sturdy fingernails of hers.

M: "Why can't you ever be serious, Jake?"

J: [blank stare.]

Today she is adorned with a dark purple necktie hung loosely around her neck. It matches her "Come-Bang-Me" high-heeled hooker shoes. The rest of her outfit looks super fashionable. (Picture a very sexy business woman.)

Throughout the day, M. straightens her necktie a la Rodney Dangerfield. When she walks away from her desk, she says, "One time..." and I groan.

No respect.

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