Wednesday, September 2, 2009

There are two compliments M. welcomes with open arms:

#1.) You are skinny.

#2) Your butt is big.

After she's had her hair done, she will accept:

#3.) Your hair looks good

But on an ordinary day, she'll throw it back in your face.

M: "Do men think women WANT to hear compliments from them?"

(There is no correct answer to that question. Believe me, I've tried.)

For the past three days, M.'s butt has looked genuinely bigger due to her choices in wardrobe. I mention how budalicious her rear looks every chance I get. After awhile, M. tells me to stop. She knows I'm only telling her what she wants to hear and doesn't believe for a second that I really mean what I'm saying. But I do, her butt looks amazing, especially today.

To emphasize the point, M. stuffs her shall underneath the back of her jeans and says, "Oh, I need to fill out the time sheet." She gets up and does a funky ass walk down the row. She looks like a really weird version of The Hunchback of Notre Dame. To me, she looks like she soiled herself, and that's what I tell her.

M: "Jake, don't even read the magazine because it won't do you any good."

J: "I've already read it, M! Have you?"

She goes into a separation anxiety story and it's all I can do to stay in my seat. Yes, M. looks amazing, but more and more, I'm wondering if she secretly enjoys pushing my buttons.

Time will tell...

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