PAVLOVS GAY DOG WITHOUT A JACKET

Thursday, March 4, 2010

M: "Give me back my jacket!"

She crumples up paper, I turn around in my chair. M. laughs but doesn't throw the paper at me like she normally does. Instead, she sits in her chair crinkling the paper and giggling. She delights in the effect her crunching a piece of paper has on me. She thinks she is super cool and important.

J: "Yeah, you can call me Pavlov's Dog."

M: "Am I Pavlov?"

J: "...yes."

She turns around and looks up Pavlov's Dog on the internet.

J: "You've never heard of Pavlov's Dog?"

She's too busy reading articles to respond.



Later,

M: "GIVE ME BACK MY JACKET!!!"

J: "What are you talking about? I don't have your jacket."

M: "What did you do with it?"

J: "You are retarded! You didn't come into work with your jacket today which means you probably left it at home."

M: "YOU'RE GAY!"



Even later,

M: "What is this?"

She walks to my desk holding a giant empty water drum from the department filtered water supply. She points to a couple of spots on the outside of the drum that appear to be smudged with something brown or rusty or dead.

M: "How much will you give me if I lick this?"

J: "$1.00"

M: "$1.00?!"

J: "You licked poo for $5.00, I don't think this is poo."

M: "Look at it!"

J: "OK, $2.50, but that's my final offer."

M: "No."



Almost quitting time,

M: "Let's play fountains! Jake, you run around back and forth and you won't know when it's going to happen and then I'll spit water out of my mouth on you and get you wet."

J: "I don't want to play fountains."

M: "Why not?"

J: "I don't want you to spit in my face. No."

M: "Jakeypoo!" (Jumping up and down.) Let's play fountains!!"

J: "How old are you in your head? Like, how old do you think you really are in your mind?"

M: "What?! How old are YOU in YOUR head?"

J: "You're four years old. Isn't that the age when kids say YOU ARE! all the time?"

M: "Ha ha ha. YOU'RE GAY!"