DEONIONIZE AND UNPORCUPINE

Tuesday, March 30, 2010

M: "If I were to say these words to you, what would you think they mean? De-onionize and un-porcupine."

J: "I can't say it at work."

M: "It means take a shower and shave, Jake. You are so disgusting!"

M. is venturing into the dating world again. She is dressed very nicely in a black business skirt for a first date after work. She also posted a bunch of, for lack of a better word, photographs of herself on Facebook where she has recently posted comments on status updates, made new friends and taken full advantage of everything available on the site.

J: "I still need a nice, smiling photo of you with your braces, M. When are they coming off?"

M: "If I see Dr. Payne regularly, he'll take them off in 4 months. Maybe longer. It all depends."

J: "I think I'll end the blog when your braces come off, or in July- which will be a full year of writing about you- whichever comes first. Do you think that would be a good ending?"

M: "Yeah. Jake, if I had a fly swat and I walked over to you and hit you in the face with it, then walked back to my desk and sat down, THEN got up and hit you in the face with it AGAIN, then sat back down, and then I showed you the fly swat, what would you think is going to happen?"

J: "A fly swat?? Do you mean a fly swatter?"

M: "That's what I said."

J: "...OK. ...What is the question?"

M: "HOW DO YOU KNOW I'VE NEVER FARTED ON YOU!!!"