Dave's Insanity Sauce

Sunday, May 2, 2010

The other day, I was sitting at my desk minding my own business when this happened:

M: "Oh my God! This is hot!"

I turned around to see M. waving her hand over her mouth. Her eyes were starting to water.

J: "What are you eating?"

M: "I put some hot sauce on my hard boiled egg. It's really hot.

Her mouth was open in the shape of a small 'O' and she looked like was hard for her to breathe.

J: "What was the name of the sauce?"

M: "Dave's Insanity Sauce. I found it in the file cabinet over there."

J: "WHAT?!?"

I jumped out of my chair and flew to her desk. Upon inspection, I saw a paper plate with a half eaten boiled egg and a big pile of red sauce. In the middle of the sauce, you could see where M. had slid the egg through. She probably ate a full tablespoon!

J: "OH MY GOD! Weren't you here when I brought that stuff into work? We put a tiny drop on a saltine and it killed our mouths!!"

M: "No, what are you talking about?"

She had no idea about the potency of this stuff. It seriously without exaggeration is THE HOTTEST SAUCE IN THE UNIVERSE!! But don't take my word for it, here are some user reviews from Amazon:

J. Miele: "Ok folks, this is not a joke. I am a real fan of hot sauce, hot peppers and anything that makes my eyes water, and I have to honestly say that Dave's Insanity Sauce is absolutely the hottest thing I've ever tasted. I use one drop in about 25 ounces of home-made tomato sauce and it makes the sauce noticeably hot. This is NOT a sauce to dash into your soup or to liven up some salsa. DON'T USE IT LIKE TABASCO!!! It is a heavy-duty hot sauce that should be used as in ingredient when cooking a decent amount of a dish. My brother doubted its powers so I poked the end of a toothpick into the sauce and gave it to him. The poor guy freaked and ate more Italian bread than I've ever seen anyone eat in my life. This bottle will last you a long time. Why doesn't it get 5 stars? It's just too hot."

A Customer: "Even Shakespeare did not have enough of a grasp of the English language to describe how hot this sauce it. It is mind blowing. I put a few good dashes on some BBQ I have eating. I was able to shovel in 3 healthy forkfuls into my mouth before the heat hit. Pow. I was knocked out. All I could do was grab on to the table to brace myself and breath through my mouth.
I ate all the bread I could find. I wiped out every square inch of my mouth with a napkin. All in an attempt to ease the heat. It helped only a bit.
After about 2 hours, I was almost back to normal.
It is that hot. I would think that only 1 drop would heat up a pot of chili. DO NOT try this straight from the bottle. It won't kill you, but is will wound you. Wow."

M. ate a tablespoon. She was in immense pain and anguish for hours. She downed water, milk, orange juice, thin mint Girl Scout cookies, and crackers. Nothing helped. The pain swelled up in waves over her taste buds and around the inner walls of her mouth. I could not imagine the experience. In my lifetime, I have only ever eaten a tiny drop at once. And she had a full tablespoon. Oh. My. God.
In an attempt to make her feel better, I showed her the following video on YouTube:

J: "I hate to tell you this, M., but... later tonight you will feel it again. Not only does it burn going in, but it also burns coming out. Yikes!"

1 comment:

  1. I have a bottle of that stuff in my fridge. I use a tiny drop for an entire pot of chili. Dave's Insanity Sauce is freakin' wild.