Monday, August 17, 2009

Today M. sports a boring old purse that is the color of stained furniture. If she needs to clean it for any reason, she can use Pledge.

She has a little voodoo doll that she's using to get a certain "wind bag" on the team to be quiet. Per the instructions, M. 'casts the silent spell ' and lays the doll atop a personal artifact, places 2 pins into the doll's face, twists its head, and says "Hmmmmm." close to the voodoo doll's ear.

It's actually working! The "wind bag" has remained silent for most of the day.

In hopes that the "wind bag" calls in sick tomorrow, M. has the doll wrapped in toilet paper, with the same 2 pins pushed deep into the head.

She then attempts a spell on me by taking the little Ewok with braces from my desk and placing him in her potted plant. She sets an ibuprofen 800 near his mouth, a bottle of water (or as M. calls it, 'Vodka') next to his head, a couple of pennies and a bottle of Kickers 8 hour energy spray under his arm. She leans down and says, "Ahhhhhhhh." This is to send me on a tropical vacation where I can feel high and drunk.

"Jake," she asks, "are you feeling energized, drunk, high, relaxed, and rich?"

Me: "Sure."

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