BRIGHT RED PLASTIC HEAD GEAR or THE END

Friday, July 2, 2010

M: "What is wrong with my face???"

I pause. So many crude remarks flash through my brain. M. places her fingertips to her cheeks, to her forehead and then to her chin. Her expression is one of concern, and of expectation.

I decide to change the subject.

J: "Guess what I am doing today, M?"

M: "What?"

J: "Writing the last entry for your blog."

She pauses.

M: "Oh... that's kind of sad..."

J: "Yes, but it has to be done. You are wearing head gear so if I continue making fun of you, I will feel like I'm making fun of the handicapped."

She laughs.

It's true, for what I hoped to be an uplifting ending about M. getting her braces removed has turned into a tragic turn of events with a junior high school twist. M. has been advised by Dr. Pain to wear a bright red plastic head gear along with the braces and metal screws already covering her teeth. There's just something too easy about making smart remarks in a personal blog about a female in that situation. I mean, c'mon.

M: "Jake! I am bored."

J: "Huh? Sorry, M. I am writing the last blog."

M: "Right now???"

J: "Yes, would you like to write it with me? Let me read aloud what I've written so far-"

M. runs over to my desk and stands at my side. She places her hands on the right side of the keyboard. Her teeth and enormous hoop earrings shine brightly under the bright florescent lighting. She is dressed like it's 1985. She looks like the lead character in the movie "Flashdance." (She's a maniac, maaaaniac on the floor!)

M: "So I'll type with the letters on this side and you type with the letters on that side."

J: "You are retarded."

M: "Is this what you mean?" (Laughing) "OK, ready?? Type!"

J: "No!" (Also laughing.) "Go sit down."

She does.

M: "I took that picture for you, Jake. The one you wanted, but I never sent it."

J: "I'm done asking for that."

M: "I know, I'll probably never send it to you anyway..."

J: "Besides, I am going to use your Facebook photo for this entry."

M: "Which one?"

J: "The one that is just lips and tongue. You know, the one that looks like you are trying too hard."

M: "What do you know about trying to hard?  HOW DARE YOU?!"

And so it ends. After nearly a year of recording the daily antics of a hilarious, captivating individual, the blog is over. The days of M. arguing with everything I say will continue in real life... oh God will those days continue... but not online.

M. is entertaining. She is a bright star in an otherwise humdrum day. She is interesting, engaging, and extremely challenging. She can make you smile and she is a wonderful escape into a different world. It has been a pleasure to write about her, and it is an equal pleasure to know her.

Then again, she wears head gear. So.... yeah.

This is the end.

Thank you for reading.

“There are limits to my comedy. There are things that I’ll never laugh at. The handicapped. Because there’s nothing funny about them. Or any deformity. It’s like when you see someone look at a little handicapped and go ‘ooh, look at him, he’s not able-bodied. I am, I’m prejudiced.’ Yeah, well, at least the little handicapped fella is able-minded. Unless he’s not, it’s difficult to tell with the wheelchair ones.”

- David Brent, BBC The Office UK