QUESTIONABLE TUNA

Monday, November 2, 2009

M. cracks open a tupperware bowl of leftover tuna fish mix.

M: "I am so hungry. Why am I so hungry?"

She stirs the mixture around.

M: "Is this still good? It's been in my fridge for four days. I am eating questionable tuna."

When she's finished eating, M. announces that she smells like fish.

Our "famous" co-worker drops by and asks what that smell is.

M: "Don't be rude! It's me."

J: "What smells like road kill?"

I walk to M.'s cubicle and the smell intensifies. "It's your lunch bag!"

M: "No it isn't. It's me."

M.'s energy level is low.

M: "I'm so tired, if I blink I will fall asleep."

I show M. some notes I've jotted down for today's blog.

J: "Is there anything I should change?"

M: "I dunno, Jake, I can't read Chinese."

M. has a new "I don't care" dance. It's more of a weird shoulder twitch than a dance.

M: "Ask me a question, Jake. Anything. I don't care. See?"

Her shoulders gyrate up and down and tweak in fast, violent waves.

J: "Stop it!"

To make it worse, M. exaggerates chewing a piece of gum by sticking her tongue out of her mouth in between chomps.

M: "I scared some kid on Halloween."

J: "Chewing your gum like that or dressed as a lint roller?"

M: "I didn't dress as a lint roller. I had the costume together but I couldn't move around in it, so I dressed as a witch instead. Before I left, this little boy came to the door. He's standing there with his bag out expecting candy. I have an orange wig on and my black dress and my face is almost black. He says, 'Trick or treat,' then he looks up at me and starts crying."

J: "Can you blame him? He could probably smell you."